how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
