went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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