eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Randomize
