apparently the secret to your success is patron
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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