he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Randomize
