Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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