you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
