Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Randomize
