thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
