God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize
