then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
i already hear my dad disowning me
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I'm both gender and math confused
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
