You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
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