If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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