i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
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