Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
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