Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Randomize
