Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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