i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heโs Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Oh and itโs been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! ๐๐๐๐ฌ๐ณ๐
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