I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
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