it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
