so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
