When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
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