Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
