Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
