i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
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