Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
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