I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
