Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
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