All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
