i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
