At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
