no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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