so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
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