I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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