Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
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