I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
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