Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
