At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
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