this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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