she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
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