just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Randomize
