plz talk dirty to me
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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