Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
My ass is underappreciated
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
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