actually, I'm a sock model
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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