you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
