He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
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