yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
