Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
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I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
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