Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
