Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
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