Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize