I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Randomize
