ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
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