I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
He literally asked permission to hit on me
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
