The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
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