He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
