Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
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