He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
