I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Randomize
