Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
