At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
