Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
